YETMO

"Must Zoe, Goe?"

What's all the fuss about Zoe Baird's appointment as Attorney General? Is it really about ethics, integrity, and obeying the law? No. It's about "family values."

She placed her family's well-being above an often-ignored and frequently-unenforced law. Big deal. It's not like she did anything that really hurt anyone. After all, isn't that the test we all apply in our day-to-day lives?

Besides, if you knew all the paperwork that the IRS and Social Security expected you to fill-out to hire domestic employees, as Ms. Baird and her husband did, you'd probably ignore it too. It's just one of those nuisance laws, not really one that contributes to the common good. It's okay to comply, or not comply. It's only the law.

Now, if she had been dealing in drugs or insider trading, then we'd be concerned. But this is merely someone who is interested in her child's care and security. The ends justify the means. We understand.

How many times have we driven a bit faster than the law allows to make that appointment, visit that friend, get to that department store sale? If we didn't have a legitimate reason, we wouldn't be speeding in the first place. We are all law-abiding citizens. We understand.

As a father of two, I know how important it is to set a proper example for children. All parents know. And we all set good examples, to one extent or another. It's just a matter of degree. We teach our children to do as we say, not as we do. After all, we know right from wrong, but sometimes, by gosh, we have to do what we have to do. And it doesn't mean that we want to harm anyone or that we're bad or that we don't respect the law. It means that sometimes, well, we just have to do what we have to do. Our children understand. They're not stupid. It's only the law.

When we agonize each year over that well-loved American ritual of filling out income tax returns and paying for our government of laws (not men...or women), we seek every allowable deduction and maybe even some that aren't -- but we believe should be. It's for our family's economic welfare, we rationalize, and for preserving those values that we learned this past presidential campaign are so crucial to a strong America.

If we take some income tax deductions that are not expressly written in the law, it's okay. It was probably merely an oversight by our legislators. They are extremely busy people and the task of governing is difficult. Congress understands.

Examples abound of nettlesome laws that everyone knows do not require 100% compliance. Take parking, for example. What's the big deal if a few cars park illegally. Now, if everyone did it, it would be a different matter. But everyone doesn't. So, what's that big deal? A few misplaced vehicles here and there during rush hour are not going to tear down our country or lead to anarchy. We can deal with it, right?

Every night going home from work, I drive west on Constitution Avenue. Invariably, there are two or three cars in the far right lane between 15th and 17th Streets that have not observed the no parking restriction. Now, if all of Constitution Avenue were lined with cars after 4:00 p.m., that would be a problem. But it's not. We're talking about a matter of degree. That's the important issue. I, too, have parked illegally. And I certainly wouldn't have done so if I didn't have a darn good reason. It's not as though I observe the law only when it's convenient. Honest. You understand.

All this talk about Zoe Baird being unfit for the job of Attorney General is preposterous. Everyone knows that she's a decent, law-abiding American. President Clinton would not have nominated someone who isn't eminently qualified or ethical. If confirmed, no one in the Justice Department or law enforcement community would question her commitment to upholding our laws. It's just naivete to suggest otherwise.

Given the importance of family values, I find it refreshing that Zoe Baird has the concern of her family uppermost in her mind. And if some think that her position as the nation's top law enforcer is compromised by that, we know better. We understand. It's only the law.