YETMO

"With technology as your friend,..."

Admit it. Things are great, couldn't be better.

There's no Black Plague. Progress is being made on controlling or curing AIDS. Radio and TV are cheap forms of information and entertainment. And for folks in industrialized countries, running water and indoor toilets are a given.

Yep, for the developed world, things are looking pretty good. As for our brethren in Third World countries, well, forget about that for now. That's too depressing.

Guess technology is our secular savior. Look at what we do with it: go to the moon, produce processed foods with long shelf lives, and buy a McDonald's hamburger that tastes the same in Moscow, Russia or Moscow, Idaho. We can send instant messages to a pal with a computer anywhere in the world. Long distance phone rates are so cheap that you can call a friend and recite the entire script of a two-hour movie you just saw for less than what you paid for admission.

Fones are our friends, right? I know, the Ma Bell break-up in the 1980's changed how we make long-distance calls. Instead of merely dialing "1," the area code, and phone number, we had to adjust to multiple access codes for new competing telecom carriers. And, with the increased customer demand for service, companies had to do business differently.

Automated or Voice Response Units. ARU's. VRU's. Ever heard of them? They're the things we get when we call a business and the pleasantly sounding voice says: "Touchtone callers, please press 1."

I was musing about how far we've come with integrating technological advances in our daily routine. Imagine a typical service call to your favorite company. Has something like this ever happened to you?

"Hello, you're reached the customer service department of the 'We Don't Need Many Trained Employees Company When You Can Push Buttons Yourself.' Touchtone callers, please press 1."

"Please enter your account number and the # sign."

3-24508-11456-23243544-1959634#

"I'm sorry. That's not a valid account number. Please enter your account number again."

3-24508-11456-23243544-1959635#

"Thank you. We value your business. If you'd like to talk with a customer service representative, please press 0."

"Hello, you've reached the customer service department of 'We Don't Need Many Trained Employees Company When You Can Push Buttons Yourself.' Please re-enter your account number because this is a different department and we can't remember what you entered."

3-24508-11456-23243544-1959634#

"I'm sorry. That's not a valid account number. Please enter your account number again."

3-24508-11456-23243544-1959635#

"Thank you. A friendly, responsive customer service representative will be right with you."

Five minutes later.

"Hello, this is Doreen. May I have your account number?"

"Hi, Doreen. I already entered it twice."

"I know. But may I have it again? This is a different department and we can't remember what you entered."

"Oh, sure. 3-24508-11456-23243544-1959634"

"I'm sorry. That's not a valid account number. Could you give that to me again?"

"Um. Let's see. Try 3-24508-11456-23243544-1959635"

"Thanks. Now how can I help you?"

Silence.

"Hello? Mr. Apelquist?"

"Uh..."

"Mr. Apelquist?"

"Yes?"

"How may I help?"

"I forgot. I'm sorry"

"Well, Mr. Apelquist, that's quite all right. It happens to many of our customers."

"But Doreen, it was important."

"I know, I know. I'm sure it was, Mr. Apelquist. Our highly-valued customers always have important matters to discuss with us. If you remember, please call again."

"Uh, OK, Doreen. I will."

"We're here to serve. We value your business. Have a nice day."