You learn something new every day if you are not careful. That was never so true as the other day when I was looking up the telephone number for the Fairfax County I-66 dump after another round of Spring cleaning.
Learning is a life-long process, and it is amazing how much we can gain from paying close attention to the manner in which our government officials "speak," especially the way in which they name things.
As I said, I had to drop off some debris at the dump, but I was not sure when it closed. So I looked for the phone number in the "blue pages" of the directory. There, under Fairfax County, was a list of "frequently requested numbers," I figured I would find the number there under "dump."
Well, I did not. Maybe, I thought, my fellow Fairfax countians do not have a frequent need to consult the dump number. No problem.
I turned to the regular Fairfax County government listings. No listing appear there under dump either. Hmmm.
Okay. I checked under landfill. No listing. This was getting challenging. Next, I looked under solid waste. No listing. Sanitation? Nope. Ah, recycle must be the word. Sorry, no. How about waste? Not.
Imagine my confusion. After all these years, I thought I knew what a dump was called. But clearly, I did not. I was especially frustrated because I had called the dump a year or so ago and had gone through this same learning process to locate the number. I knew it was in the book somewhere, but I forgot under what listing.
There was only one thing to do. Go through the blue pages, line by line, and find that number! And this time, I would make certain I wrote it down for posterity.
Eureka! I found it. "Transfer Station-Solid Waste." It was not a dump after all.
That got me thinking about the way bureaucrats name things, about how they come up with the most exact and appropriate terminology. Look at how they came up with the HOV-3 designation for Interstates 95 and 66, for example. They could have just called these Car Pool-3 lanes. But the more I considered the matter, the more I realized just how insightful and precise they were in naming those lanes.
Think about it. What if you and your family, at least three of you, of course, were driving on I-95 of I-66 some rush hour and saw a sign that restricted lanes to car pools with three or more people? You would think. "Hey, we are not a car pool, we are just a family." You would eschew (another word I have learned from bureaucrats over the years) that road and take another more congested and time-consuming route. But you were entitled to use the road -- you do not have to be a car pool. You can be a family.
Therefore, if you think about it, HOV -- High Occupancy Vehicle -- was the best and clearest name. And if it took all of us years to understand what HOV meant, then that was a small price to pay for being better educated and more appreciative of the logic and beauty of etymology (yep, another bureaucrat's word). It is a science, and I think we should salute our local civil servants for adding this bit of spice to our life.
Meanwhile, back at the dump: Remember, the proper term is "Transfer Station-Solid Waste." Be patient. It may take years for you to master the "nomenclature," but you will, eventually. See how well I am doing?
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Fred W. Apelquist. III, M.Ed.
Approximately 600 words
(c) 1993