I was having lunch with a friend the other day. As usual, it was enjoyable and uplifting, but afterwards an unsettling feeling settled in. He was saying that he was surprised and amazed that blacks weren't angrier at whites and didn't act out their fury more.
His contention was that blacks had not responded to whites with the same degree of inhumanity that white society has leveled against them. He talked about how this affected black self-esteem, self-hatred, and black-on-black crime. He was not suggesting that black-on-white violence was preferable to black-on-black; he was merely expressing understandable dismay.
My friend is upper-middle class. If he felt this way, I wondered how blacks in lower economic strata must feel. Further, he has two children, one of whom is years ahead of his age group academically and, by all indications, has a world full of opportunities ahead of him.
All this got me to thinking. What messages are my friend sending to his children about black-white relations? Is he advocating an anger imperative or espousing cooperation and coexistence? Knowing him as I do, I'm sure he emphasizes the latter. But I also wondered how much of the former leaks out to his kids and what the long-term effect might be.
History tells us that over the centuries parents have done a lousy job as racial hatred and prejudice persists. Depending upon where you sit, it's as bad now as it's ever been. So my friend and I wondered out loud if we'd ever be able to get beyond racial factors.
Anthropologists can't agree on racial groups. Some say there are four. Some say there are as many as 37. Others believe that there is only one "race" and that physical manifestations are merely cosmetic additives to the genetic code.
I'm not sure about what the state of racial affairs is today or what it will be in the future. But I do know that each of us carries some degree of responsibility to improve upon it whether we like it or not.
As humans, we're fallible, foolish, and full of foibles. The more we can see our churlishness as human attributes and not racial ones, the better. Only then can we even hope to make real progress in achieving peaceful, more loving relations among all peoples.
It won't be easy. As soon as I speak ill of an African-American, I'll be liable for charges of racial prejudice. Likewise, if a black looks askance at some unsuspecting white, a bad racial attitude will be assumed. All we can do is be aware of this and keep talking about it constructively, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
I know that talking with my friend is not always pleasant or inspiring because sometimes he says things I'd rather not hear. I'm sure I return the favor and bring forth utterances that he doesn't particularly like either. His world view and mine don't always mesh. He's not always upbeat and positive about the future. I don't want to believe that things can't and won't be better. But that's the way things are with him. Sometimes. Whether our discussions help him or me -- and contribute in some small way to better racial relations on a larger scale -- remains to be seen. No matter. It's heartening that we talk.
Both of us are parents. As such, our primary responsibility is to provide a safe and loving environment for our children. Our next main duty is to do what we can to turn the world away from hatred and hostility and leave our kids a legacy of love -- and a world of harmony and peace. That's not asking too much, is it?
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Fred W. Apelquist, III, M. Ed.
Approximately 700 words.
© 1995