It's amazing what you can learn at a seminar, especially if you're paying attention.
My lovely wife and I attended a weekend Christian marriage enhancement conference with 1,600 of our closest friends. We were more fortunate than some; we came to build upon an already strong and loving relationship. Others, however, were picking up the pieces of theirs.
We've been to other Christian marriage gatherings and they can be enlightening. One thing we've learned is love is a decision. Another is that your spouse is a gift from God. Giving and unselfishness are the keys to healthy, happy and successful marriages. A final credo is that each partner must give 100% of him or herself -- 50-50 arrangements can only go halfway -- to ensure that the contract stays strong and intact.
Looking upon one's spouse as a gift may sound pollyannaish. It's anything but. It acknowledges your mate's special quality and mitigates against harboring ill thoughts about the way your man or woman walks, talks, thinks or believes. Call it what you will but attitude controls how you'll regard and respect your spouse.
Consider the following Jewish midrash, or folktale. Two brothers equally shared in the work and harvest of the family farm. Each had his own granary. One night the single brother thought that it wasn't fair that he should split the crops with his married brother who also had two children. His brother's larger family required more provisions. Each night, he traversed the fields and deposited one sack of grain in his brother's granary.
But each morning that the brother arose, his granary contained the same amount of grain. Unbeknownst to him, his married brother fostered a similar feeling. That brother also believed that it was unfair that he should equally divided the dividends with his single brother, for he had no wife or family to care for him in his old age. He needed more supplies to see him through. He, as with his brother, was surprised to see that his barn was filled with the same amount of foodstuffs come morning's light.
One night the mystery was solved. As both brothers were moving grain to the other's barn, their paths crossed and their immediately knew what was happening. At that instant, they dropped their sacks and embraced. God declared that the first church be built at that spot and Solomon was said to construct his temple there.
Whether this is fact or fable is largely irrelevant. The moral of the story uplifts the power and glory of gifts and giving. How can we become estranged to our wives and husbands when we constantly are thankful for their presence. Such an attitude won't prevent disagreements, but it may reduce destructive ones that are all too often predicated upon the false belief that your spouse is out to degrade or diminish you.
Imagine how powerful this effect could be if we extended it to others with whom we share this earthly orb. Again, it's not a cure-all, but if we can truly regard our neighbors as wondrous works of art who provide interesting spice and variety in our lives, then maybe we would be slightly more inclined to get along and less likely to get it on.
Giving is powerful medicine. Courtesy is contagious. Whether we render to our spouses or to others, the result is the same. It elevates our spirit, increases our goodness, and secures a sense of charity and caring.
The more you give, the more you get in return. It reminds me of a phrase from a Beatles' song a generation ago.
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."
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Fred W. Apelquist, III, M.Ed.
Approximately 600 words.
(C) 1998