YETMO

"Time to Quit and Go Home!"

We've lost the war on terrorism. Our way of life has been altered, perhaps permanently. Polls show that the majority of citizens, or large portions, support some restriction on freedoms for increased safety. Of course, most of these procedures are illusory and don't enhance security and safety.

Will the intentional criminal, whether a terrorist or perp who rips off a minivan's electronic side- view mirror under a streetlight, which, unfortunately, happened to me the other day, be stopped by these new, improved freedom-sucking devices? They'll be hassled and slowed down and forced to come up with new and devious ways to make our lives miserable. But they'll succeed, for they always succeed, at least to a point.

Do we have to make our lives unbearable all the time in exchange for the very few times these miscreants strike out? And they will strike out. Preventative efforts merely upset, anger, and demean the 99.99% of the population which is decent and not likely to hijack a chlorine-filled freight train and ram it through Union Station.

This hasn't been a good repatriation to the DC area. In addition to losing my mirror, I learned I also lost my identity with the State Department of Motor Vehicles. I just moved back to Virginia from Florida and was fulfilling my citizen duty by getting a driver's license and vehicle registration in a timely manner.

Before dealing with that bureaucracy, I called to learn what would be the quick and painless way to do this. During repeated calls, I was told that because of new rules for obtaining a driver's license (uh-oh!) call volumes were extremely high. Call back, they said. I did. Seven times. Finally, I nervously trudged off the DMV office, but not before checking their website, as the nice computer voice advised on the phone line that was too busy to provide a human voice.

There are 37 acceptable primary and secondary documents from which to choose two to obtain the privilege on driving in Metro DC area traffic. That's a lot. I didn't read each and every one closely. My mistake. Big mistake. I saw U.S. passport, U.S. military photo ID, U.S. this and U.S. that.

I figured that my Florida driver's license and U.S. federal government photo ID would do the trick. I figured wrong. I didn't read the fine print. U.S. "military" ID, OK. U.S. "civilian" ID, not OK. When advised of this by the kindly DMV employee at the Information desk, I nodded and awaited my turn. I was the last one signed in that afternoon and had the whole place to myself when I was finally called for service.

The clerk reiterated: military ID, OK. Civilian ID, not OK. I asked for a manager, confident that it was a mere oversight that a U.S. federal government civilian employee photo ID was not among the 37.

It was not an oversight. I needed a passport or Selective Service Card or birth certificate or social security card. Or I could provide a Medicare or Medicaid card, neither of which I have because I'm not old enough and God has blessed me with a job that pay the bills.

Interestingly enough, had I had an "Authorization for Parole of an Alien into the United States (Form I-512)," I would have been golden! Of course, if I were the INS employee who issued that Form, my picture ID wouldn't have been.

I don't know about you but when I see the words "Parole" and "Alien" in the same sentence, I'm assuming the holder ain't getting no license no how no way. But I, your humble federal servant, was wrong ¬ again!

I've been wrong lots lately. This is getting old. But then again, I'm getting old.

There's no sense rehashing this. I'll go to the appropriate elected officials and get this changed tout de suite. Won't be problem. They'll immediately see the folly.

As all this post 9-11 insanity rocks our daily lives more than any terrorist cell could, I was reminded of a joke on the Internet.

Osama Bin Laden died and went to heaven. George Washington walks by and smacks him squarely in the mouth. Next, James Mason kicks him. Patrick Henry gives him the old choke hold. James Madison, not to be undone, has his own fun with the wealthy, but now dead, former terrorist.

Perplexed, Bin Laden, asks God, "Lord, where are the 72 virgins?"

God responds. "I didn't say 72 virgins. I said 72 Virginians!"

Where are the Virginians now?