There are only a few things over which people become extremely animated and exercised.
One deals with sports teams. Fans of the Chicago Cubs, Boston Red Sox, and New York Yankees come to mind immediately. Another has to do with children and families. A third biggee involves politics and religion.
Within the realm of religion, Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution may be the biggest single issue of upset and discord. There has been a battle royal roiling between proponents of evolution, so-called Darwinists, and those believing in Creationism, the account of how we and everything else around us came into being as recounted in the first Chapter of Genesis in the Old Testament of the Holy Bible.
It recently struck me that a conversation between God, I will call him G, and a Darwinian Devotee (DD) could be very interesting and educational.
As I read the Origin of the Species (well, I had trouble going through the whole thing), the book that started it all, and I checked the much shorter creation account in the Bible, I envisioned that the talk might go something like this.
DD: Where did you come from?
G: Hello. Oh, I’ve just been hanging around.
DD: How did you get here? Who are you? I didn’t hear you coming.
G: Oh, that. My children often don’t see or hear me. You know how kids are these days.
DD: Children? Your children? Who are your children?
G: Well, to start with, you are. I could name them, but the family is so large, it would take a rather long time.
DD: Me? I don’t even know you. Are we related?
G: Of course we are. I knew you before you were born. I---
DD: Hold it right there. Wait a minute. Just who do you think you are?
G: I Am who I Am.
DD: Who is that?
G: The great I Am.
DD: What are you talking about? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were claiming to be God.
G: Of course, I Am God, you silly goose. Whom did you think I was?
DD: You are just what you appear to be -- some crazy, delusional old man. Besides, I know that there is no God. You didn’t create me. The elements created me over many millions of years.
G: I see. You must be acquainted with the works of Charles Darwin. He was an enterprising young man. Somehow Charles got too full of himself and, well, I needn’t bother you with that right now.
DD: Go ahead -- bother away. Darwin was smart enough and bold enough to cut through all this silliness about God and religion and the six-day creation fantasy. You’re merely a demented man who knows how to sneak up on people. You, God? Hardly.
G: If you insist. You see, Charles understood the creation process all right, but he failed to give credit where credit was due. Of course, people do that all the time. Writers steal from other writers and don’t give attribution. Students copy off of other students’ test papers and so forth. You understand, don’t you?
DD: What credit? He gave credit to the air and water and gases and cellular formations that ultimately produced you and me. How can you say that?
G: I’m talking about what my son, Moses, wrote in the Book of Genesis, centuries before Charles decided to put his own spin on things.
DD: There you go again. Back to the silliness. Moses made things up. Darwin was precise and scientific in his thinking.
G: Yes, Charles did his best. In fact, he did a fine job. Very detailed. I will give him that. But as an educator and writer, I would have to give the nod to Moses over Charles. Moses managed to tell the story in a few hundred words whereas Charles took a few hundred pages. But then, Charles always was a bit wordy, he had this need to-
DD: Stop! What in the world are you talking about? This makes no sense! Moses didn’t say anything about anything that Darwin discussed.
G: Ho-ho, my son. I’m afraid you’re a bit mistaken on that. Moses provided Charles with the order of creation from which he stole – er, I mean tailored his own nifty narrative.
DD: How so?
G: Well, on the first day, I created light. You may have heard about that. On day 2, I gave you the atmosphere. On the third day, I provided water and vegetation. Right before man, I created all the birds and animals. Lastly, I made you –- my crowning achievement. You see, Charles’s evolution merely replicates the order of creation as told by Moses 3,400 of your earth years ago. Man was the last thing I created, so I guess you could say that he evolved. But Charles was really quite mischievous. He failed to note that his order of development came from the Bible and not simply out of his own head.
DD: I don’t believe you. This is patently absurd. The Bible said that you – if you exist – created the world and man and everything in it in six days. That’s a 144 hours. It takes longer than that just to get a customer service representative on the telephone these days.
G: You have an excellent sense of humor, my son.
DD: Stop calling me your son! Get real. Six days. Do you understand that thousands upon thousands of scientists have incontrovertible proof that this planet has existed for billions of years. Six days! Really.
G: You know, now that you mention it, I recall telling Moses that I thought that six day thing might throw off some people in future generations. But you know Moses. He thought it would be fun to tease you all.
DD: Now I know you’re off your rocker. You’ve talked with Moses, and it was his idea, eh? Well, all I know is that a day is a day – 24 hours, 1440 minutes, and, 86,400 seconds. You understand what I’m saying. Short, real short.
G: Your day is not the same length as my day. What makes you think it is? My Bible already told you that a day for me is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day.
DD: So, that makes 6,000 years, not 6 billion or 13 billion, or whatever our latest science tells us.
G: You really like this science stuff, don’t you?
DD: I sure do. It what helps me understand the world.
G: I like science, too. That’s why I have enjoyed my children growing in their minds and understandings and learning slowly but surely about the world I created for them.
DD: Would you stop saying you’re God! 6,000 is not 6 billion. Just stop it.
G: My, my. You seem to be a tad defensive. You know, I also created literature through my children, too. You read novels, don’t you? You know about allegories and stories and poetic license. That thousand years and day thing was an allegory. Day One was quick. Just a snap of my fingers. Day Five actually took about 4.73 billion years according to your 24-hour calendar, if I’m not mistaken, but including such detail into the story becomes rather tedious, wouldn’t you agree?
DD: You’re hopeless. What am I to do with you?
G: Oh, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Let me worry about you. You seem to be very upset, and I’d like you to calm down. Do me a favor. Take a nap. Once you awake and clear your head, read Chapter 1 in Genesis and then look at what Charles wrote. You’ll see that his order of creation is what Moses already told you centuries ago.
DD: That is ridiculous. When will you people ever learn that religion and creationism are myths.
G: Suit yourself.
DD: Is that all you have to say? I guess you hadn’t figured out what happens when people use their brains instead of relying on their superstitions.
G: The brain. Yeah, Moses and Jesus and I were talking about that the other day. It seems as though some people’s minds haven’t evolved as well as I had hoped. But that what’s Free Will does for you.
DD: Free Will. This is too much. I don’t have time for this. I have places to go and people to see. I have to leave.
G: Goodbye, my son. Enjoy your journey. Don’t get lost along the way. I’ve seen many who have. Be careful. May God be with you. Ha-ha. I’m God. I’ll be with you. I am with you. Don’t worry.
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Fred W. Apelquist, III, M.Ed.
Approximately 1,400 words.
© July 2007
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YETMO: “You’re Entitled To My Opinion,” A Balanced Point of View
"To stimulate thought, debate, and introspection”